everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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