Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
