how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize