my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize