five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
