my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
