First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
