ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
