Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
