i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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