adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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