This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
