dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
