1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
