Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
this just has baby written all over it
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
