i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Moan for me like Helen Keller
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
