my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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