Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
