If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
