you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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