I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
