it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
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