that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
