this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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