I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
