You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
