Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
