Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
