If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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