nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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