I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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