and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
