She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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