the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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