just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
