According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
