Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
