somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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