I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So much Jack, so little girl.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
