lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
