ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You are the jesus of drinking
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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