Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
