what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
