SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
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