I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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