He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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