Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
