Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
