i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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