Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize