he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
