i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
