dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize