I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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