I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize