I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
