thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Randomize
