Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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