How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
