Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm sobbing to NWA
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
