my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
