Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
