The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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