Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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