I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Randomize
