I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
