We're like a lot better than the average bears
wat bout pragnant strippers??
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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