clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
