I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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